How's a person supposed to get a job around here?!

May is when it started. It, being my job search, hunt, obsession. I've become a stalker of jobs. Almost hourly, I rip apart the daily newspaper, rabidly search on craigslist, and anywhere else there might be a job posting, hoping and praying I overlooked a job for which I am qualified. Being a professional [Aside: Does 'professional' imply getting paid cash for your work? NO!--I am receiving a degree for all my hard work. Though, if you think the word 'professional' implies cold, hard cash, I have gotten multiple scholarships for my work, thank you very much. Studying does pay off. (This aside was for my benefit more than anything.)] student for most of my life, I haven't had much experience doing much of anything. Sure I've had some jobs, but none of the normal jobs that everyone has once and hates. (Like working in retail or at a fast food place.) This means I'm not qualified to do those types of things over the summer. Even for the jobs that require no experience, some snotty 16 year old who will devote future time to the Gap has a better chance at getting that job than I. I'm constantly moving from home to school from school back home. Employers hate that. Or maybe they just hate me.

Earlier this month, I got turned down for a dishwashing job at a local restaurant, completely lying about the length of time I'm available. "As long as you need me, sir." Still, nothing. I'm about at the last straw with this whole job obsession, but I'm going to go repeat the entire process over and over again until I am employed. Out comes the red marker and the newspaper.

Oh, God. I'm already foaming at the mouth.